True Love

Do you believe in this.. ? The idea of true love…? That something is so pure out there, so great and so unconditional that it is something that which can save you from yourself…? From your own shortcomings and your own failings…? 

I mean you can very well believe in something like this and still feel inadequate , incomplete and irredimable. Because nothing saves you… , nothing comes along and lift you up by your bootstraps. You have to do all of that yourself . You have your god, and your own unknown self, to an extent, to fill off the gaps of inadequacies and shortcomings in your owb life to live more freely, more openly, and to confront the realities of existence. 

Something, at which, you might be good or bad at. To confront the realities of existence. Depending on your personality as you would have been at that given moment in your life. Because that’s how it is supposed to be. To be and not be at the same moment when it comes to things like this. To be a shareholder in and be a part of a life you mightve never ever thought of for yourself in the long run..? Right…?

(Note – The picture is of the character of Carmela Soprano, from the tv show, Sopranos, a character, using which, all these themes I talk about, are explored in great detail over the course of the show, and something that made me think about all this stuff)


Existential Balance

The struggle in the social domain, I think , on an interpersonal level, is to find a balance between the Darwinian power struggle in the evolutionary realm, and the bonds of compassion and understanding we forge with strangers to form an in-group, in the long term, where we can rely on each other, and trust each other and mean something to each other in this life.

The struggle is always there, on an underlying level, the primordial , animalistic struggle to dominate over one another. At the same time, there is an urge to form connections with people around us, to live harmoniously and peacefully, and if possible, to whatever extent, blissfully, juggling these balls of tension and cohesion concurrently and finding a way through existence.

Sopranos Existentialism

Sopranos shows us that only if those people ,who are living the most accomplished of lives in fields where they are confronted by the existential suffering of being much more acutely than the rest of the population, could have the insight and the vision, or develop one to become self realised enough to become aware of their “condition”, then the idea is presented with much more authority and rigour than when being pontified by a pot smoking, pot bellied virgin, nobody , who lives a miserable existence.


You are sitting in a vehicle and always looking toward the front , of things coming your way, or you anticipate them coming your way. Never looking at the things passing you by.

 Those things which you are anticipating to come, approach slowly at first, then rush towards you and pass you by in a blip, but by the time they approach you, you have already lost interest in them and your focus of attention has shifted towards the next upcoming thing. This is the basic difference between a child and a grown up travelling in a vehicle. While the child is mostly enamoured by his immediate surroundings, the thing passing him by in the present moment, adults are not. And even for this they are not to be blamed, they have already lost their keen senses of perceptions, needed to live in the here and now, long back, and even if they try to focus on their present surroundings, they won’t be successful due to their short attention spans.

Love Saves

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There is a redeeming value to Love. Even if we might be unaware of it, it exists.Requited, unrequited, accepted, unaccepted, distant, near, even fake love. Yes,even if Love is faked, just for the jest of it, would start changing you in ways you could never imagine. It would start opening neurological pathways in your brains and would make you look for possibilities and options and hope in places where you might’ve overlooked it, or not even thought of could’ve ever expected to exist int the first place. It gives you courage to grapple with the meaninglessness of existence in constructive ways.It gives you a motive to exist in this cruel world,giving you mode to exist in all the absurdities of life, it makes existence and thousands of its discontents, bearable.

A lot of troubled and resentful people around the world who do all kinds of horrible things to themselves and people around them, are just unloved, seeking it in their own ways, no matter what that might mean to them. Unloved people do things which make the suffering of existence worse than what it already is.  Our aim should always be to lessen it, not to add to it as it is as bad as it is, in itself.

Melancholic Nights


In one of the rooms which are made specifically on the rooftops, away, aloof from the world, where even the winds come swirling in unsure and unconfident strides.. where only those kinds of antisocial people reside on whom rest of the world has given up hope on, and more importantly, those who have given up hope on the rest of the world, in quite nights when a cold wind is gripping the world outside,making the ceiling-fan in your room unnecessary, something which might’ve obstructed you from noticing other, fainter sounds ever present in the background. The same winds forcing people deep into their cosy beds and quilts, in arms of their loved ones, babies and pets snuggling up to their mothers and owners and lovers trying to disappear in their partner’s bosom, by hugging them tighter than they usually do, you hear the sound of some distant horn blown on a far away road, carried all the way to you by the gushing winds, along with the howls and cries of dogs and other nocturnal animals , living out their daily, often overlooked,  primordial struggle for existence, and maybe a guy talking over on his phone , softly, yet quite distinctly as he paces up and down the narrow passageway by the side of his house,his conversation over phone made all too clear by the dead silence of the night, and you can make out he himself is talking to someone he loves, someone in whose embrace he might like to disappear in, in these cold nights.

Sounds of distant horn of trains leaving and arriving at the nearest railway station reach you too. All these ambient ‘noises’, which remain more or less the same no matter which city, which part of the country you are in , as part of an ever existent background setting,unchanging, at-least in comparison to our time frames , i.e moving and changing too slowly for us to notice, still always present there, right at the corner of our perceptions, our daily struggle to pay the bills, our worries and hopes , our success and failures, our dreams and our realities.

Only on these special cold nights, when everything stands still, except for that cold breeze that is blowing outside , you notice these sounds and realise that your place in the world is not defined by the post that you hold in your office, or the money that you have in your bank account, but by the people you collect along your way in life. Because only those who truly care for you, make the world for you.. rest of it is just .. ambient ‘noises’ and surroundings , unconscious and uncaring of your existence or your absence in this vast vast universe.

The city

The city rises as an edifice made by the old gods from the dust of the magnificence which existed before. To make an example of people who steered too far away from the path shown by him. It’s hot outside, with a heat wave slowly gripping the lands as the morning matures into another summer day.

The drought here doesn’t only exist in the ground but in the very heart and soul of people. Blank faces looking into oblivion, from their shanty houses and shops, made from the dust that exist all around them, as a result, dulled on their edges, broken, with holes in between and disintegrating. Some have rented out their houses to host very large banners on the front side, in the desperate hope, for the posters to mask their dust tombs, in which they lie, dying a slow, painful death, like the rest of us. But this scheme has also proven inefficient, with the treacherous banners caving in to give us a glimpse into their gloomy world, where just a bed-sheet, bought from some cheap lahsa sale ,years ago, hangs as the last refuge against the voyeuring eyes of the world. What are they trying to hide..? Don’t they know that all of us are suffering here together..? God has abandoned us long ago, and we are living in hell with all the demons.Maybe we all are constantly,subconsciously, looking for less fortunate people than us to feel better about our own existential condition. Hence quite a few numerous ways to feel happy in the world, generally don’t guide us towards finding any meaning in our lives, but to feel grateful for what we have and others don’t .


The city is like a replica of a village with colonies divided on basis of caste /religion, with a lot of rustic looking folks, visiting it from the countryside, where, amazingly, things remain bleaker. Hell, indeed, is a pit-less hole. The flyover sprangs over this abysmal waste of filth and humans and dust and destruction and malice and all the thousands of variants of sins found in their true variance , as a hand rising out of a man on verge of death, suffocating and gasping for air. But just like that man’s effort, to breathe fully, fails…  the flyover fails too to breath in life into this ever dying, but never dead, city.

The Nature of the Immortal

Is there any everlasting,unchanging entity in the world..? Is it truth,love,god or lust…? Is there something like that out there or not? Or it is just a figment of human imagination which exist just to assure us that even after all the changes our mind and body undergoes,there is still a part of us,something inside us,or something out there which we hold on to,that never changes. And hence,this unchanging entity act as a reference point for us,a standard which we keep in the back of or head so that we can keep telling ourselves that even though scientists would say that a person becomes altogether another person within a short span of 7 years, from most of the cells in his body to most of his thoughts and beliefs… We don’t change,that we are actually our own self only. The need for this everlasting entity is very strong, it is very important variable in whole equation of things as this defines our very existence. We need these … things,.. everlasting love,everlasting truth.. to fundamentally define our own selves.

For example,when a man finds the love of his life,he says He loves ‘the one’ he has chosen. and no matter how many years pass,this would not change. That means if we ask this man the same question after 10 or 20 or 30 years,his answer would be same…that He loves her. And this becomes,fundamentally,the definition of his own self. Its the constant amongst all the variables in life. No matter if all else inside his body and mind changes, this one thing,this everlasting,indestructible love would never end and this would help him define who he is.( those who would have watched the famous U.S series ‘Lost’ would remember the episode “The Constant” where Desmond Hume would hang on to this thread,this ‘constant’,for survival.)

Again the same thing can be said about the other ultimate,indestructible things,we set in our lives. Lets say,ultimate everlasting truths, we find it,or are very eager to believe and internalize one,…because again,it acts as something which becomes the reference of our very own existence,as I would believe in one ultimate truth now,and also at any other point in time,even though all  this while,every other thing might change in and around me,I’d be fine,I’d be,well… my own self…because I’m holding on to this immortal entity,which is ‘truth’ in this case. So,just like ‘love’,this external everlasting factor defines me and hence I always search for it.

Life is very complex and there is a no clear answer to any question. Our consciousness tries to make sense of its own biological suit,i.e our body and the surroundings of this suit. In the process of this ‘making sense’ of things it devise ways,like the one I’ve(tried to)explain above for its own continued existence and to keep the balance in the universe maintained. But i think outside of this ‘act of understanding’,there is no existence of any ultimate,indestructible,immortal entity,physically tangible or abstract. Objectively seeing,the only things which exist are our consciousness(also called soul,spirit etc.) and the physical world. And these two are also not inseparable but intrinsically interwoven in a complex web where both affect and get affected from each other. And the world which we see and don’t see is the byproduct of this interaction.

The Empty Spaces

Between Mondays and Saturday our life runs and that is almost all of it. Your whole adult life is nothing but a daily robotic routine which is not only mundane but also at times feels meaningless and useless. But we live on,with the hope that something great might happen tomorrow,or the day after tomorrow,maybe next month,surely next year… sometime.. in the future ,where everything would be perfectly peaceful and interesting at the same time. In this hope we lead our life,going through the motions from Mondays to the next weekend,from one holiday/outing to the next… all the time suffocating,crawling on our knees as the years pass us by and we complete our pitiful,pathetic existence in this world.

Many would argue that I’m a depressed cynic writing whatever shit here. This is not how life is for majority of people. Many live their life to the fullest,enjoying every moment ,achieve great successes in life and die a content man. But I would like to reason against this, I don’t think even 0.01% of whole human population on this plant live their life to their utmost satisfaction. Most of the people,for all their life,are not able to know what their purpose is or where they are going. Most of the people are unsure about themselves,insecure in their own cocoon,driven by other people’s life which they presume perfect. Ask yourself this question… Your own conclusion that the world is a wonderful place filled with rainbows is not because you feel fulfilled in your own life,but because you look up to the lives of those whom life you think is perfect,and are always trying to make your life as much similar to these individuals as you can… So,in fact most of the people live a life chasing a mirage which is somewhere at a distance ,somewhere far away,in the future…

What is my aim in writing this article…?Its not about creating an existential problem where there is none, but to  motivate people to live more life in the moments which they pass as ’empty spaces’ during weekdays,during the office hours,during an average adult’s day … because life is in these empty spaces.. when we are alone with ourselves… where we can learn more about ourselves,where we can learn to love ourselves,where we can explore our true potential in absence of negative emotions such as jealousy,pride or selfishness.. and by doing this only,we can create a world really filled with ultimate bliss and everlasting rainbows…!


Paradox of Life

I see a spider dying on the walls of my bathroom. I open up the shaft and lights of my bathroom for that whole night.The next day i see 5 dead flies in the web of that spider. What is it?


Have I done a sin or a virtue? or above all, What I’ve done ,given or taken “Divine Life”?7856169608_c9d44d0b5d_z