Writing

What is that which needs expressing ? Things inside you, facets of your personality, that are, because of one reason or another, subdued, lie suppressed. At least that’s how writing, ,or keeping a diary, works for most of the amateurish writers out there on the “interwebs”, on corners of our common collective consciousness, where people seldom visit them and where the plain merit of the content has less importance than the cathartic value it holds to those writing it. Same goes to hundreds of thousands of blogs published on a regular basis, and also to this one that I am running here.

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Very rarely, writing brings out the best and the most developed parts of a person’s persona, so to speak. And when it does, then that shines through, as a diamond amongst the heap of other coal blocks. These are ‘ diamonds’ whom we follow and adore as writers and poets and storytellers and visionary thinkers.

As for those other ones who are left, those other blocks of coal, don’t for a moment make the mistake of confusing them with the ones that hold promise or hope or potential of any sort of beauty or shine, but rather, see them and acknowledge them as blocks of darkness, which are hollow shells of complete blackness absorbing any and every spark of light, joy and positivity in and around them.

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Life is misery… But then it is so much more, of the same(On Cockroaches and Dodos)

Life is tough. Its hard to get by in life with any certainty for what fate awaits you. Its a burden which is borne by each and everyone of us. But some of us chose to, or rather try to, “opt out”of it. Try to become fence-sitters and watch it from a distance. Never partaking in it , but only commenting, speculating for what it is actually. The plethora of “writers” you see, the ones like me, writing away their nights on their pretty, little blogs which reach , in comparison to their efforts, virtually no one , are doing just this. Speculation and observation. But the thing about life is, its not supposed to be tackled that way.

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Granted life is misery, and not just that, its a relentless affront on your sanity, but all that is to test you. To test your limits, your braking points, your potential. Beings which don’t labour under the burden of misery are more vulnerable to destruction than those which have survived all forms and kinds of suffering in the past. In the end, at a point, you have to ask yourself this question, “Given a choice, what would you want to be, a Cockroach or a Dodo ?”

Suicide and what it means

Of all animals, which are out there, only human-beings are capable of doing suicide. And that is probably because any primal forms of depression in lower organisms’ primal consciousness , would result in their death and removal from the gene pool. Depression, which is a state of being for a life-form, where it is anxious and stressed out all the time, always being a prey animal.( because of its own lack of skills or understanding or its plain ineptitude to navigate through existence, a large part of which is rough and cruel and unjust, in the sense that you dominate and get dominated by others, you climb and descend the dominance hierarchy, you are chosen by a sexual partner that you deem fit or you settle for someone clearly unfit for you, you proactively do things at times and let people run all over you at others). In lower life-forms, any sustained sense of anxiety or stress, or any primordial precedents of such traits, leads to its death in the natural environment which is cold, harsh and unforgiving . Where a mother herself would choke an offspring if she sees that it is unfit. Where your sibling would throw you off your nest on the ground, in case of this bird species I saw on discovery channel once, if you are weak and don’t deserve to survive. So, either weakness is nipped in the bud or if it somehow sneaks into existence, falls off a cliff, or drown in a river, because of its own mental weaknesses.

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Because in animals where consciousness is not evolved enough, weakness, either mental or physical, is of no significance. It is in fact a hindrance in survival. The extra member feeding off the grassland and causing harm to rest of the group.

Only in humans, we allowed, first, individuals with mental weaknesses and shortcomings to survive and grow up into adults and much later, even physical weaknesses were not seen as a big problem. We started providing scientific answers to our follies, at least more clearly, in case of physical shortcomings of man. But when it comes to mental ineptitude, we are still miles away from coming up with a solution where we can make a mentally weak (not in the sense that he/she is slow or retarded, but that he/she does not understands the way to socialize and navigate his/her way through life, he/she is unable to figure out a healthy mode of being for his soul, so to speak.) person suitable enough to survive in the world. We have volumes talking about a healthy body and which bodies would qualify for it. There are standards on which you can measure, let’s say, your eyesight and see if you have a ‘healthy eyesight ‘ or not. If not, you can make use of science, to reach or approach that standard of health.(This is the case , rationalists such as Sam Harris make when they claim that everything need not be defined within the evolutionary paradigm as we are using Science , increasingly on a year to year basis, to subvert and overcome our evolutionary follies, at-least more clearly in terms of our physical health)

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But when it comes to modes of being, or mental states, first of all, there are no definition of ‘healthy’ defined, let alone the scientific methods which we can use to reach those standards of health.(except of course in extreme cases of chemical imbalances, which are treated, still shrouded in mystery, about whether bringing the balance itself is the true cure or how are those chemicals deciding and guiding our waking consciousness)

In this way, we have been successful in creating a society which has a very clear idea and sense of what it means to be ‘physically healthy’ and the idea of ‘physical well-being which is ensured to you by law. Checks and balances are in place to guard and protect it for you, if you are incapable of doing it yourself. At the same time, the ideas of ‘mental health’ are still vague, because any question in this direction would lead us to the moral and ethical questions about our existence, which we are hell bent on avoiding on all costs because our old answers, about heaven and hell and gods in high clouds remain shattered on the ground after the scientific revolution. In such imbalance , people are driven to suicide, because they know that even if their mental health keeps on deterioration and they become more and more incapable of leading a normal existence, society won’t allow them to die, unless they take their life by their own hands.(the moral dilemma associated with topics such as euthanasia and abortion stemming from the same point, as there is a lack of congruity between the old ideas about well-being, which incorporate answers for both physical and psychical , though the psychical answers invariably leading to miracles and gods and such things which are deemed impossible by proponents of the new idea of existence which solely account and considers ‘physical health’ as the sole parameter of well-being. This incongruity, at least on parts of the proponents of the new idea, about human well-being, leads them to be in the “extreme-progressive side” where they claim that a 60-year-old guy pretending to be a 6-year-old girl is still somehow ‘healthy’ as there are no clear standards for psychical health)

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And I think, this is the problem people such as Dr. Peterson are trying to address in all earnestness and with a certain level of honesty which is quite absent from the other new age religious types with their mumbo-jumbo. Even though, professor Peterson himself is trying to derive some emergent meaning from the old religious stories and is making a case for it not in its literal sense, but it’s biological and evolutionary implications.

Tony Soprano was in Hell all along

The last episode of the legendary show “The Sopranos” has been dissected and analyzed to no ends about what fate befell Tony at the end of the show and what it all meant.

Well, I have a theory about it. Tony Sopranos has been in hell all along. If not for the whole run of the show, then at least for the whole last season. The dream sequences which he had during the first few episodes of this season were him getting the closest to get out of the purgatory but he lost on to that. And why was that? Because he heard his daughter’s voice calling him back. And it was the daughter he was never able to see when he was shot in the back of his head at the diner.

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The closest Tony was to Heaven. But Heaven and Nirvana are not one and same

So well here is how my theory unfolds. Remember that surreal Tim Robbin movie, “The Jacob’s Ladder” from the 90s, where Robbin’s life seems to be taking surreal twists and turn and he has these weird dreams where he sees himself living this entirely different life and he is haunted by literal monsters and all creepy and weird shit? In that movie, there is this dialogue, where his doctor, who is always ready to help him, tells him, “Eckhart saw Hell too. He said: The only thing that burns in Hell is the part of you that won’t let go of life, your memories, your attachments. They burn them all away. But they’re not punishing you, he said. They’re freeing your soul. So, the way he sees it, if you’re frightened of dying and… and you’re holding on, you’ll see devils tearing your life away. But if you’ve made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It’s just a matter of how you look at it, that’s all. So, don’t worry, okay? Okay? ” Well this jells so well with that last season of Sopranos.

When people die, they are drawn back to the physical realm which is called “Maya” in Indian spiritual traditions. The same theme appears in a lot many other eastern traditions. When people die, they are unsatisfied that they were not able to make their life ‘perfect’. They were not able to do good by their loved ones, or take different decisions that could’ve changed their lives in a major way. Because nothing is ever perfect and there is always this regret, people keep coming back on earth to live and suffer through existence. But if you can let go of those attachments, those things which are pulling you down to earth, you would reach the state of ‘nirvana’ or a freedom from these earthly longings.

Well, the whole of Sopranos, specially the last season was, just about that. He trying to strike a balance and make things perfect, or the best he can to his ability. He might’ve lived through this cycle, in this purgatory multiple number of times, without knowing about it. And no matter what he did, it resulted in him ending up at that diner where he would get shot before he gets a chance to see his daughter and then has to relive through the whole cycle all over again majorly because of this regret.

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Tony at the Diner, the place where he would be shot and killed

This seems a weird conclusion, but a lot of unusual things happening towards the end of the season, point towards it. One thing that I can just recall from top of my head is that co-inmate of uncle June at the insane asylum. When Janice visits him(Junior), and hassle him for the money, we see, in the very next scene, this co-inmate of his uncle’s visit him(Tony) at the Bada Bing, dressed in suit asking him to do something about the situation. But that is impossible, I mean, how could he? He is also an insane person just like his uncle and why would he be allowed to visit outside,  unaccompanied and that too to a strip club? Another weird thing that happens is that Phil Leotardo gets shot and killed randomly at a Gas station where he was supposed to be making use of a payphone which are now so very few in number around the tristate area that Tony’s man is able to find him and kill him? I mean what kind of coincidence is that? Also, the sudden truce the New York family have with Tony’s men feel eerie and out of place, especially in that cold and dark, and grey place,  and so does his unaccounted trip to Las Vegas, his luck getting back on his side, him talking about parallel realities and stuff with his psychiatrist, FBI agents helping him with his cause just because he randomly came across a couple of Arabic men whom he helped long back,and who are now meeting and congregating in traditional afghan dress and beard, in middle of New Jersey, that too when “The War on Terror” is at its peak(remember in the show timeline, going by real world timeline, it is the year 2007). and a lot other strange stuff.

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Tony exclaims, “I get it” after he takes peyote in Las Vegas

My theory goes something like this. Tony is in purgatory, and the closer he comes to the end of this “dream sequence” which he is mistakenly taking for his real life, the “real aspect” of his experiences become entwined with the “dream like” parts in this state. So much so that he ends up, in the final scene, to see himself from a third person’s viewpoint, at the diner, which in itself, might not be the same diner in which he might’ve been shot and killed in the “Actual world”, but only a representation of it. Somebody mentions how it (the diner) has all the symbols of “The American Dream”, in form of American football posters, the dream that brought Tony’s ancestors from the old country to this new one. The diner also has a couple enjoying a great time, the kind of relationship Tony always envisioned for himself. There are kids sitting there. The place in itself is the architype of the “Best Diner” for him.

The song that plays in this last scene is also of great significance. Have a look at the lyrics of the song, Don’t Stop Believing’ by Journey, which goes something like this,

Strangers waiting
Up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching
In the night
Streetlight people
Livin’ just to find emotion
Hidin’ somewhere in the night

Workin’ hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin’ anything to roll the dice
Just one more time
Some will win
Some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on, and on, and on…”

It is made clear that Tony has done everything differently in every other iteration of the loop and no matter what he does, or how perfect he makes his life, and the ones close to him (which is btw never perfect as even in this iteration, Carlos is going to testify and a major RICO trial coming his way in near future), he ends up at this diner where he would be shot and killed.

But there is something different this time, instead of reaching there unknowingly and as part and flow of his experience in the purgatory, this time he is aware, where he enters the diner and sees himself sitting there, from a third person’s viewpoint, which is strange, even for dreams, where this kind of viewpoint is hard to come by. This might explain the long darkness after the last ring of the bell, there is no loop after this one. This is the end. This is the final loop, and he is totally ready to give up and move on. This is Tony’s “Nirvana”.

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What is True?

(Note – This is my opinion on the discussion Dr. Jordan B Peterson and Dr. Sam Harris had on the nature of truth on Sam Harris’ waking up podcast. This would deem sensible only to those ,who have a prior knowledge about this conversation and its content.)

 

         Dr. Jordan Peterson was wrong in insisting that scientific truth is true only if it is evolutionarily beneficial. There is difference between empirical scientific truths, and pragmatic truths Peterson talks about. I know I am not very coherent right now, so I would start off by raising this question, “Can ideas exist in vacuum?”

 

          Let me expand on what I mean by that. So, my preposition is that ideas cannot exist without an originator. A bible without Jesus, would not have the authority it holds today. Some might say that, that authority is derived from the fear of hell and promise of paradise. Those people would be true, but the significance and worth, and the raw value of biblical ideas, like any idea, lies in its originator. If I present an idea to you and would say to you that I was not the one who thought it up, neither anyone else, not even an artificial computing AI, you would say that, that is absurd. even the most insane of ideas must have someone to think It up. A being capable to do that, we can model it, a fully functioning, self-improving AI, in the future, to do just that, but then also, we would be the ones planting the seed, the idea, that such machines should exist, which cannot come into existence on its own.

 

          So, now let’s say, we might claim that whatever thought that comes to us, whatever idea which originates in our minds, is 100% purely, truly ours. But that is very well not the case. We know we don’t have any control on where ideas come to us from and surely we don’t know the source of such origination. Here, I am not saying those thoughts come to us from God. No, not at all, I know thoughts are a byproduct of external stimuli from our environment and our response to it, where our response is made up of and influenced by a lot many number of things, our conscious thinking mind, our subconscious, our collective societal conscience, hereditary factors, immediate body chemistries etc. etc. But we owe our existence to our parents too and hence those thoughts, ideas that we have, also have their origins in our ancestry. We can trace it back to our primate ancestors and from them to our much older ancestors. But can we say our ideas have any form of connection, to let’s say, a marsupial life forms trying to survive the KT extinction event…? Well it might very well have.

 

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Clearly identifiable parts of brain, as clear markings of evolution and stepping up from one state to another advanced one

            So, let’s consider this experiment. Baby geese are bred in captivity generations after generations where they are kept in abundance of food and away from all predators. Then one day, a Hawk is flown overhead their enclosure and the babies run hither thither for shelter. These animals have not seen the predator in generations, still the imprint of one, is so strong that it makes them move in actual physical ways. Now I know this memory would wither away in absence of predators for a long amount of time. But till the generation it exists, it owes its origination, the thought or the idea of ‘fear’ in the animal, in somewhere behind in the evolutionary line when Hawks actually existed. “HAWK IS DANGER” is a truth for a goose, even when it is not, statistically, scientifically, if just in case, Hawks have died out from their natural environment during the course of the experiment.

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The shapes which make baby geese shiver

 

             One might be inclined to reject this as a hard-coded instinct in a goose and not a thought or idea in its consciousness. But resent research have shown that a lot many number of animal life-form have some or other form of consciousness. Now we would never know what it actually MEANS to be a monkey, a goose, a horse. Because those experiences totally exist in their consciousness and to replicate and ‘live it’ subjectively, would be impossible. This is something which is called “the hard problem of consciousness”. So, we can’t be sure that the goose running away from the hawk over its cage, is feeling fear or not, and if it is, then to what extent. I remember, as a kid, I once, got into habit of throwing rocks at a crow’s nest just in childhood jest. The crow couple recognised me and whenever I was around their nest, they used to try to attack me. Even after I stopped throwing stones, they used to crow aggressively and try to attack me nonetheless. This showed they had a memory, and a sense of danger, a fear, which used to turn into anger, guiding them to attack me when they saw me. In fact, I was so scared of the prospect of them actually harming me that I started leaving food for them, and it was then after a while that they again went indifferent to me and in course of time, even a point reached that they used to come to me in expectation of food.

 

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The Wheel engraved in the Konark Sun Temple in the Indian state of Orissa. The temple dedicated to Sun God, the wheels of the temple are sundials which can be used to calculate time accurately to a minute. The wheels also represent passage of time and are known as Kalchakras in Buddhist traditions.

               Now we may assign all these actions as reflexes and my interpretation of it as speculative afterthought. But that is quite obvious, because we are trying to assign motives and actions to whatever they did in our own linguistic terms which are product of our minds, millennia ahead of them in terms of evolutionary progress. A higher life form might look at us and see almost all of our experiences futile and our own actions no more than mere reflexes, but that would never negate our own experience of what we feel when we do such act.

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The evolution of species

 

                Now you may say, yes yes we all know this metaphysical bullshit, but in the end, we are all a bag of mostly water, flesh and chemicals and there is nothing special about us. Yes, we are a consortium of different chemicals, but we started off as a single cell amoeba and there the inorganic transformed into organic. How? We are still not sure, and it was at that point, a single thought, an idea was implanted to grow. I think the magic happens on the boundary of where Sam’s truth reign supreme and from where on, Peterson’s truth starts gaining traction. The limit of inorganic and organic forms in universe. How the transference happens? We are still not able to understand it fully. We don’t know, and in that how, is hidden the mysteries of all of our existence.

Good Old Neon – Book Review

The book is about the depth of narcissism a person can fall off to. That could be the shortest summary of it. But it is not that narcissism that we encounter in daily lives of people. Its also not that trope about human trait, that we have grown so accustomed to hear about in the popular cultural discourse. Its deeper than that. Its the narcissism a person would confess to himself, the deepest level(or that there are no levels to it and it is indeed,a pit-less hole) of which is known only to him, and the hopelessness of its condition apparent in his own self. No consolation coming his way, the protagonist in the story is a tragic as well as a despicable character. A person who does everything with the sole intent to be the centre of attention, to have fame, to have laurels awarded to him. But maybe,at some instance in the story, we realise, arent we all like that? Like that, and unaware of it. Unaware of our own conditions, our own vanity and unmitigated pride. Well self awareness is the key, and this story is not very much unlike another classic named ‘Notes from Underground’ by Fyodor Dostoevsky. Its different only in the way that instead on focusing much on the cause,unlike ‘Notes from Underground’, it focuses more on the effectual manifestation of that awareness and how very miserable it makes the life of its beholder.

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The book is humorous in parts, at the same time deeply sad and tragic as we see a person being driven to madness by his narcissism (or merely his acute self awareness of it?). From his work-space to his yoga classes, from his general relationships to the relationship he has with his own psychiatrist. Nothing remains untainted by his self aggrandisement and his frail efforts to limit, hide or overcome it. But even in his overcoming, there is pride, even in his restraint, he finds ways to lift himself up in eyes of those around him, to get there reverence and respect. All the while well aware of its shallowness and the act he is putting on for them. The sadness of the story can only be grasped once the reader immerses himself in the world of Neon and become one with his vanity.

All the Pretty Horses – Book Review

The book like all other Mccarthy’s work focuses on a facet of American life which is quite niche, but still forms the backbone of its society. Its not just by chance that he is considered a living legend in American literary landscape. Set in American south, it covers the aspects of life on the continent which transcends national boundaries, a major portion of which is pivoted around Horses. Horse, if not considered divine, is still a very revered animal in North America, its slaughter banned across many U.S states, and consumption of its meat, a tabooed and outlawed practice. Partly because, in my understanding,as Horses were the major tool used by the Europeans to subjugate and conquer the new world.

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But the story is not just about Horses and their many uses. McCarthy uses the Horse to move along his story, but the story doesn’t solely revolves around them.It starts as a representation of the yearning for a simpler times, in hearts of the protagonist of the story, who is living in New Mexico in late 40s. He, who, along with his mate,venture out south into Mexico, after a tragedy in his family,in search of his own unique idyllic hero story, kinds of which were found in abundance in these lands, during an earlier epoch,just after the discovery of the continent. There, he meets stranger, yet familiar people, starts working as a Horse trainer on a ranch, falls in love with an unattainable mistress, and falls out of it, is wronged and takes revenge for that wrong. All of it, not very much unlike a typical Hollywood western movie plot-line, though set in the dustier and poorer towns of mexico and the quiter and harsher desert and wilderness of the mexican terrain which comes at him more readily with death and doom. Its one of those perfect Hero stories, but with the only difference being that at the end of it, after defeating the dragon, when the hero returns to his own place of origin, he has nothing worthwhile to share with his community. No gold, no skill, that he can use to enrich others, no stories to tell which anyone would listen to or find any meaning in.

In this sense, McCarthy work generally revolve around a lot many of such “Anti-Hero” stories. Not in the way that they chart out the trajectory of life of an Anti-Hero, but that they start off as a typical Hero story, but slow down and become absurd toward the middle, and even when the archetype plays itself out in the background, there is this lingering feeling in reader’s mind which grows, that something is amiss, something is not right. And as the story draws to a close, and Hero’s journey lays complete, there is no satisfaction in the soul of the reader as nothing substantial seemed to have came out of it. As if all the struggle, all the trouble of the hero, all the battles he waged, were for nothing. I have read “The Road” and “The Sunset Limited”by the same author, and I can say the same about both of those stories. In this way, if not a Nihilist, then at least, for sure, Cormac McCarthy comes out as an absurdist in his writing, where he can not, or wills not, to make his stories about some superordinate principle, some overarching moral tale which enrich the reader with the sense of some understanding about this world and the people who inhabit it.

Flow

What is it exactly, when people talk about it romantically, “Go with the flow.”? What is that even supposed to mean exactly..? The nature of human will is to take firm stands and oppose forces of nature including other human beings. To be firm and unmovable is a quality worth aspiring for, not the polar opposite of it, or it isn’t..?
And what if the thing which we call ‘Love’ is just a superficial, abstract phenomenological development out of the dominance games we play in the society as a means to chose for the best gene pools to be transferred to the next generation..?

But,in the end Who knows definatively? Who could be taken as arbiter of truth? Who can claim such and still not proclaim himself a god? If survival is the only characteristic of existence, I think ‘Mother Nature’ won’t mind losing hundreds of ‘Divine individuals'(as they are known across the individualistic societies around the world) in the bad gene pool, to a good one with a couple of high performing brutes, with ambition strong enough to even shatter mountains with a glance. One which has traits and qualities which facilitates existence of humans in their harsh environments in the coming future and not to hinder this natural process.

Winter Skies

There is a certain hue to the winter skies. Even on those sunny days, when its all blue and vast in its mejestic expanse, as you look above at it, standing alone, or with friends, somewhere in an open field, with mildly cold, but pleasant, winds surrounding you from all sides, you can feel the skies having this, kind of a character, to it.
Like faded color on a canvas, with the blue giving way to the yellowish and white on the edges, as your vision moves more towards the horizons, you notice them actually covered in chrome, or a dull blue at best.You see the whole sky filled with twirling particles, atleast in your vision, and beyond that, a sense of well being prevails in your soul,something that which you can not shed, atleast on these sunny days, which might’ve come after a streak of gloomy, clouded months, during which you were struck in your house as the world outside went into a quiet slumber.

But even now, on these sunny days, its as if that sullen world overlays itself , as a weak filter from the past, on your frame of the here and now, and makes you feel sad thinking about it, yet cheerful in a way… grateful , thay those days are over and now you can bask yourself in the winter sun and spring might be just around the corner.

Unrequited Love

          There is a certain aura to love that didn’t last, or even didn’t take off, to begin with. There are so many possibilities… , unknown, untraced, left back in an uncharted territory, which was never explored, never came to be, never materialised in the real world. No wonder, it has been of so much importance in lives of people all throughout the ages. Right from poets of such repute as Dante, to writer of such stature as Marquez. This chimera, has attracted attention of, and consumed many people in its liar, over the years.

People are generally drawn towards the unknown, towards places they couldn’t go, to things they were never able to do. We are wired to explore the chaos of existence. And such relationships are our forays in that domain. In the domain of the unknown. If you were with someone and now no longer are, that fact in itself, represents to you , deep down in your subconsciousness, all other worlds you could’ve inhabited where you could’ve been with the person whom you are no longer with. All those unknown worlds beckon you. They draw you towards them. And you feel enticed by them, entangled in them, unable to and unaware of the need to, move on.

Something similar happens when you love someone and he/she doesn’t love you back. That person become the representative of unknown, or in many cases, unknowable, in your world.He/she represent everything that you are not. They represent a world so far removed from yours that you think of all the things you could be in their world, or they in yours. But nevertheless, they signal to you the chaos that lies outside the boundaries of your knowledge, of all the things outside your field of existence, that which you are not, and probably could never be. Places you could never be at, or hardly reach. OF STRINGS OF FATE WHICH YOU CAN NEVER EVER IMAGINE TO UNDULATE.

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But that is where we go wrong.. in my opinion.. Because improvement is an unending process and perfection never comes, and even any proximity to it doesn’t come at snap of a finger, but sometime might take generations. There is that saying which goes something on the lines of, “Opposites attracts, same repels”, but in the search of people who are too much different than yourself, you are in a way, challenging a dragon of chaos which is far much bigger and stronger than you are ready to handle, and that dragon could eat you. And that happens with a lot of people,.. in their relationships, the dragon of chaos swallows them alive. So, not to say that the struggle is futile, the search meaningless and the feelings that you feel, unreal.. but sometimes you have to recognise your current boundaries of being and the the limit to which you can stretch them. And yes, that limit might be infinite, but this life is very short, and time is running out fast, and you have already lost a lion’s share of that.

So better move on?